By Amelia Alexander
Lately I’ve been feeling like an impostor and a failure. The other day, I was being incredibly negative and one of my friends kindly pointed out that I should be all about the growth mindset, considering I have written an entire article about it.
I was feeling embarrassed because he was completely correct. I was being a hypocrite, and I felt very disconnected from the “good writer” people have told me that I am.
I’ve been struggling to write, and the feeling of being stuck has seeped its way into other aspects of my life.
I haven’t been able to refine my ideas into an article, and I have been feeling sorry for myself because of it.
As I kept failing to write about heavy subjects that require careful articulation, I realized that I am fortunate to be able to write about whatever I want. I can put my drafts on pause and be genuine for a moment.
Reflecting on my feelings of inadequacy, I realized that I don’t have to feel this way. In our culture, it’s very common to feel shame when we are not productive, but I know that my self worth should not depend on how much I produce. However, this mindset has taken hold of me recently.
I want to prove to myself and everybody else that I am a prolific writer full of passion and inspiration. Writing is something that I take pride in, and although I’m working to expand this, writing is one of the only things in which I truly feel skilled. Struggling with something that you are supposed to succeed in is beyond frustrating.
I’ve received nothing but support from everyone in my life when it comes to this column. I know that all the pressure I feel is internal. I’ve been working to release this pressure and writing this article is my first step.
What I’ve done to overcome writer’s block
To overcome this feeling, I’ve decided to switch it up. Instead of writing an article about a more serious and important matter, I decided to talk about how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve been actively reminding myself of what I truly believe that my worth should depend on. I think it comes down to how we treat other people.
I think that being alive is enough to be worthy of staying alive; we all have worth as human beings. We all deserve grace and love, especially during a global pandemic. I’m learning how to give myself grace.
I’ve decided to let go of the idea that what I write has to be perfect. I am 16. My dream is to become a very good writer whose work means something to people. Dreams take time and effort. Hardly anyone achieves them at such a young age. I am in the pursuit, and the pursuit itself should be rewarding. The pursuit itself is doing what I love over and over, and hopefully getting better at it.
What I’ve learned from writer’s block
I’ve learned that it’s a good idea to switch things up when your current system isn’t working. I’ve learned that feeling sorry for yourself is not conducive to solving your problems, and at some point, you have to think of a solution.
I’ve learned that while it’s good to have high standards for yourself, that also means that you’re bound to not meet those standards all the time, and that’s ok. I’ve learned that growth, success, and dreams are not things that you achieve, but they are more like a constant pursuit, and the pursuit itself should be enjoyable.
What we value shapes who we are. It’s important to take a few steps back every once in a while and examine what we think is important in this life, and ensure that we treat such things like they matter to us. Personally, spending time with friends and family is important to me.
Helping people is important to me. Taking care of my body matters to me. Taking a break from social media to do something creative or mentally stimulating is important to me. All of these are components of my personal well being.
When I continue to practice mindfulness and live by my values, I feel happy and fulfilled. I constantly need to remind myself that it’s ok to have writer’s block.
This can also be applied to feeling stuck in general. We are erroneous beings, we get in a funk and become upset for reasons we don’t understand. It’s ok to fail over and over again as long as you keep trying, because as I’ve established in a previous article: that is how we grow.
I think that this is applicable to a broader audience than just writers. I hope that you can find some truth and comfort in my words.
This article is a reminder that you matter, just for existing. Your worth is not dependent on your productivity. You being here is enough.
